Experience

As I am sure most of you can imagine and well understand, as my time here draws to an end (May 28th is my official Close of Service date) I have become more and more contemplative on my time here, how to spend my remaining months here, and how I am going to spend my time when I arrive home. I’m not going to lie, I thought coming here I would become immune to western culture and learn to suppress any want for it, but after watching the Sex and the City movie, not so much for the story line but just so I can see their beautiful clothes (I’m not lying when I say I am the most stylish person in my village wearing mis-matched t’s and tanks with Vans shoes) I have become ever more so obsessed with western culture because I will be returning to something I have previously taken advantage of, and I’m not just talking about clothes. However, in reflection on my time here and in my musings on my future, I find it hard to find the right way to describe my time here. As I had written to another friend, and she had brought this up, the word ‘experience’ doesn’t even begin to encompass the time I have spent here. Experience is too shallow and undercuts the meaningful insights that can occur here, even if they do begin with a viewing of Sex and the City movie.
The word experience seems to describe a short lived and fleeting time spent submerged in a specific situation to me. How do you begin to describe an experience that causes the word itself to buckle with all you try to fit under its small umbrella? This has been time spent in a specific situation, however with so much time spent in Lesotho, I have been put in a million or more situations that each would constitute an experience in itself. So as a result I have been trying to use the phrase “my time here,” which is hampering and I often forget to use it as ‘experience’ fits so nicely into sentences. I guess what causes me to search for a more meaningful word or phrase is exactly that, my time here has been so meaningful, describing it as life changing would not do my time here justice and the word ‘experience’ just doesn’t seem to cut when it comes to description. In a way it almost cheapens it with how often that word is used to describe so many things. I mean when I think of the word ‘experience’ now I can just picture a Six Flags commercial describing their new ride as an ‘experience’ of a lifetime, how, how could I possibly employ a word used to describe a mechanical ride to also describe living in AIDS stricken Lesotho in a rural village for two years? Get my point? I’m sorry to say but Six Flags doesn’t really live up the “experience” here, maybe Epcot would though, I mean the whole world in one place? That would be the very essence of some sort of experience.
Anyways, the point that I am really trying to relate is how can I even begin to describe what has happened to me here. I mean yeah, there are those everyday experiences that in no way are everyday because I swear no days here have ever been identical. But there is also the way this place and time has changed and affected me; and I now have the wrinkles to prove it. And this is the bulk of what the word ‘experience’ doesn’t really seem to cover. ‘Experience’ seems to cover the interactions you undertake with your environment, but it seems to fall short when it comes to describing any internal changes or emotions and which of those stick with you and have an impact on you. So I am left with just using ‘my time here,’ which sounds like I’m talking about a prison and in some instances is pretty appropriate in that context. ‘My time here’ doesn’t even attempt to cover what I have undergone here and I’m perfectly happy with that. At least it doesn’t fall short because it really hasn’t a chance of proper description. Also it leaves open the chance to fill in blanks that ‘experience’ may otherwise falsely fill in. So that is what I will stick to until I find something about that phrase to annoy me and cause some sort of “self searching” to determine a more appropriate title when in reality I should just suck it up and use whatever word comes to mind, because in the end if people are truly interested they’ll ask questions regardless of any titles. I may sound a tad cynical, but one part of ‘my time’ here has taught me about the advantages of being realistic.
Well, at the end of the day when I am singing Broadway and getting ready for bed at around 8:30 p.m. I am not thinking about ‘my time here,’ my experiences that day, or what I may come across the next day. Right now I am fully obsessed with the future. I know I should be living here and completely committed to my last few months here, but the excitement of what exploit I will take on next keeps my mind reeling and me looking forward and not literally straight ahead to the large pile of work I have right in front of me. So in the spirit of Sex and the City I will toast my cosmopolitan to exactly that, the big pile of work because it has got to get done soon because May 28th will be here before I know it, and having at least one drink may help the work be a little bit more fun, right?
On a slightly unrelated topic, I will convey an experience I was so fortunate to have experienced. You know how the first time you see someone who is different than you? Maybe you stare at them or gape at them with open mouth? Yes, it is highly inappropriate and disrespectful, but we sometimes unconsciously do this. Not that I haven’t experienced this before here in Lesotho, but you kind of realized how inappropriate it is when you are on the receiving end. So this past Monday I was in the grocery store debating whether I should buy dried barley with only two months left and a Basotho man came by with kids in his cart and those kids, not only did they point at me but also yelled “lahoua, lahoua” (Sesotho for “white person, white person). This maybe doesn’t come off as offensive as it should, but let’s turn the situation it around for a moment. Imagine you are in a grocery store in America and you see some white kids in a cart and when they see a black person yell “black person, black person.” Being used to this, I just yelled back “Basotho, Basotho,” thinking that it was done with. But every time this cart went past those annoying kids kept yelling “lahoua,lahoua.” Ugh. First of all those parents need to get their kids in check, second of all, it’s kind of offensive to have your differences from the general population pointed at, ridiculed, and laughed at. To prevent an inappropriate lashing out, I ducked over to the cold drinks section, bought a few extra Diet Cokes to help get me through and was on my way out. So with a burlap sack full of experiences of this sort, how can the word possibly begin to describe them all?
So I will publish this post with full knowledge that if and when I inevitably use the word ‘experience’ to any number of people back home I will be chastised for using a word I spent a few paragraphs defaming. That being said I will return with my bag of ‘experiences’ I have labeled as ‘my time’ and a couple of ready come backs for my wonderful sisters, and even here ‘wonderful’ doesn’t really seem to be the right word to describe them, maybe I am just being picky? So have a lovely weekend and know I will be joining you soon enough, yebo! Take care and salang hantle!